Baby Mama

So yes, I called the doctor’s office this morning and told them I simply could not wait until Wednesday and that I wanted to come in today.

I went in and they drew blood and let  me talk to a nurse.  I had a list of questions ready for her.  She was very patient and answered what she could and sent me off with a promise to call me around 11:00.

I went to work and proceeded to get more and more crazy.  Why weren’t they calling me yet?  I even checked my call log and saw that last Wednesday they had called me at 11:36. So why was it after 12:00 and I had still heard nothing?  Finally around 1:00, I called the husband, crying. He offered to call the clinic, and was told that everyone was in a meeting and they would call me after 1:30.

Finally my phone rang. As anxious as I was to hear from them, in that moment I did not want to answer the phone.  Until I answered the phone I was still pregnant.  Once I answered the phone, if it was bad news, my dream would end.

But, I did answer it. My HCG level had gone up to 5306, which meant that it was doubling every 37 hours.  Normally they want it to double every 48-72 hours, so this was good.

I asked if I would be coming back for more bloodwork and was told no, that basically it would be pricking me for nothing.  So our next move is an ultrasound next Wednesday.

You would think I would be happy at this point. Relaxed, settling into the pregnancy.

Don’t you know me better by now?

You see, last year when I got pregnant, my levels were also overachievers.  Yes, I started off with lower levels initially, but they were still more than doubling every 48 hours.  I even made it to the ultrasound, and heard my baby’s heartbeat. And then I still lost the baby.

So am I kicking back relaxing?  Hell no.

I don’t think this will feel real or safe until I give birth to this baby.


About llipps

New mom, infertility survivor, marketer, wife, daughter and friend. I struggle to find the balance between being all things to all people and being happy with who I am. I love meeting new people, telling my stories, and hearing yours.
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