I don’t think there are any emotions that I have not expressed yet on this blog. You have seen me have every feeling from fear to excitement to frustration to joy to deep sadness.
I continue reminding myself every day that I am ok, that I will be ok.
Around Christmastime, we applied for the UH Partnership for Families Grant.
Partnership for Families’ mission is to give couples a second chance at having a family. Through generous community donations, Partnership for Families provides qualifying individuals with grant funding to freeze eggs for the future or to try IVF again.
The application stated that we would hear back from them within 6 weeks of their receipt of our application.
On Thursday I came home from work and Todd had gotten the mail. Addressed to us was an envelope with a logo in the corner that consisted of stick figure children holding hands. Inside was a letter informing us that we had been chosen to receive the grant.
And now, I am back to a jumble of emotions.
After this last experience, we knew we wanted to try again. As everyone kept pointing out, it’s a great sign that I got pregnant and that this pregnancy lasted as long as it did. So, we felt like it would be a shame not to try again.
Receiving the grant allows us not to have to worry about the financial aspect of it, so it is definitely nice to take that out of the equation. Instead of having to come up with another $12,000 we only have to come up with about $2,000 for medication. The rest is covered by the grant.
So yes, I am happy.
But I am also equal parts terrified, and just plain…. weary, I guess.
This whole process is physically, mentally and emotionally draining.
And I can tell you that, but I promise you dear reader, no matter how empathetic you are, you cannot possibly imagine what I mean by that or to the extent that I mean it.
This last time around was even more exhausting than previous cycles because of the retrieval complications, hospital stay and d&c.
So, here’s where we stand. We will be doing this again. I don’t know when. We leave in 1 week for vacation, then we are home for a month and then leave again for another vacation. So it definitely won’t be before then.
Don’t ask me when we are doing it. For starters, like I said, I don’t know. Additionally, I would love the opportunity to announce in some cute or grand gesture way that we are pregnant. Hard to do when people are along for every step of the crazy IVF ride.
I may choose to confide in some of you and I may not. But let that be my decision. I promise you that when there is something to know, good or bad, I will let you know. I will need your love and support.
I will again journal the process on this blog but will not publish the posts until we have completed the journey.
If you find yourself missing me or my writing, visit me over at http://www.liliawritenow.wordpress.com where I will resume writing about whatever strikes my fancy, so long as it is not anything to do with IVF.
Check me out over there to read about our upcoming trips, or the 3 day juice cleanse we are about to commence in preparation for our next vacation.
As human beings, we are always works in progress. This part of our lives, the quest to starting a family, is no exception to that rule.
Take care, love each other and god bless.