The Mother of All Days

Monday, May 13, 2013

So, I went to the doctor Saturday morning for another scan. Bloodwork came back good, levels are increasing nicely. They decided to keep me on the meds for another few days to give some of the smaller follicles a chance to grow and catch up to the others.

Sunday was Mother’s Day. This is a hard one every year. I love love love my mom and my mother-in-law, and they deserve to have a day meant to celebrate them. But year after year I can’t help but wonder if next year I will be able to celebrate as a member of that club. If the last pregnancy had stuck, I would be 30 weeks 4 days.

It was also tough because, like every year, I was preparing a feast for my mother, step-father, grandmother, Todd’s parents and his aunt and uncle. And at this stage in the process I am feeling pretty big and bloated. I have some pain/discomfort/pressure in the area of my ovaries. ANY movement is uncomfortable. So cleaning and preparing said feast isn’t an easy task.

Also, due to the hormones I am injecting, and the fact that this is a pretty anxiety-filled journey, my mood is less than celebratory. Yet, like I mentioned before, we haven’t told anyone that we are doing it this time around, so I can’t talk about it.

This has been a bit hard.  I am a sharer. Clearly. I mean, you are reading a blog about my quest to start a family, after all. But I have always been pretty much an open book. What you see is what you get with me. I feel like putting ourselves out there, sharing who we are, strengthens the human connections we make.

So having this huge thing that I am going through be a secret this time around is hard. There is a girl I work with who has also gone through IVF. I would love to talk to her about it, especially because she was so understanding and empathetic the last time I went through this.

And it’s hard not telling my mom. She has been along for every step of this 9 year journey. But that’s part of the good thing of not telling her. At least I can spare her the nail-biting roller-coaster ride of the two-week wait and the early ultrasounds. Hopefully when I do tell her, I will be telling her that she is FINALLY going to be a grandmother. And if not, I will have spared her the anxiety of waiting for results every step of the way.

Anyway, I am feeling worse and worse physically. As of yesterday, I have officially had it with shots. FIVE shots a day is ridiculous. There are bruises on my stomach. The new medication, Menopur, stings as it goes in. So that’s fun. And of course the days I go to the doctor for monitoring, they also stick me with a needle to draw blood. So yey for 6-needle days!

This morning I woke up at 5:00 a.m.. Not because I had to, but because the discomfort was making me nauseous. Couldn’t fall back asleep. When I finally got up to go to the bathroom, I felt like I was walking around with two large bowling balls inside of me.

Went to the doctor today for more monitoring. They still have to wait to get the blood results back, but based on the size of my follicles, I will probably take my HCG trigger shot tonight. That will mean egg retrieval Wednesday morning and embryo transfer probably sometime Saturday. Then three days bed rest and the horrible two week wait until the first pregnancy test.  So, theoretically, if all goes according to plan, then by June 1 I should know if I am pregnant or not.

Fifteen days after that is Father’s Day. Maybe Todd will have a reason to celebrate.

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About llipps

New mom, infertility survivor, marketer, wife, daughter and friend. I struggle to find the balance between being all things to all people and being happy with who I am. I love meeting new people, telling my stories, and hearing yours.
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