Saturday, December 7, 2013
We will return to regularly scheduled programming (publishing earlier posts) soon, but had to push this one out now.
One year ago today was one of the darkest days of my life.
After achieving pregnancy through my 6th attempt at IVF, we went to the doctor for our fourth ultrasound. The first two had been disheartening. The third one was uplifting. This one, we were hoping, would reaffirm our newfound hope and give us reason to keep moving forward.
Instead, we were told that both heartbeats were gone.
Our appointment was at 9:30. By 12:30, we were leaving the hospital having had a D&C done.
That was last year.
This year, on December 7, I find myself 31 weeks, 4 days pregnant.
Tomorrow is my first baby shower.
Truthfully, I still can’t believe it. If you had told me a year ago today that I would come full circle, I would have probably sworn at you. If not at you, I would have definitely thought “oh, fuck off” while you were talking.
And yet, here we are. My little girl is moving and kicking and punching and making sure I am ever so aware of her very real presence in my life. It’s a miracle.
Earlier this week, I lost my job. That is definitely putting a damper on my mood. When I let it.
But, I need to stop and remember that I truly have a miracle inside of me.
What a difference a year makes.