I recently reconnected with an old friend. She and I used to work together years ago and eventually lost touch. Then, she saw me comment on a mutual friend’s Facebook post, and reached out. She just recently had a baby and of course, when we met up, our talk was all baby, all the time.
It is an easy subject to connect over. And that was something that we even pointed out. As soon as you are pregnant, you feel totally comfortable talking to other pregnant people and other people certainly feel comfortable talking to you. Once you have the baby, you can’t leave the house without someone stopping you to tell you how cute your baby is or ask you how old they are or what their name is.
Becoming pregnant, and eventually having the baby, is like your access to a whole new world. You are suddenly accepted to a whole new community. There are Facebook groups dedicated to it. Mothers give each other knowing glances and warm smiles when they see each other out in public.
After waiting so long, I finally belonged in this sacred community. Suddenly I understood why my friends who were parents had more in common and more to talk about with each other than with me. Don’t get me wrong, it still hurt at the time, especially because I so desperately wanted to be part of the club.
And I think that is part of the reason I want to have another baby. I want to be pregnant again, and talk to people who are going through the same thing. And everybody is so nice to you when you’re pregnant! Opening doors, offering you food, letting you go in front of them in line, telling you how great you look, asking if you need anything.
And my husband. I mean, really my husband is a great guy most of the time anyway. But when I was pregnant, it was like I walked on water. Th way he looked at me, the way he took care of me, the awe and revere with which he caressed my belly. Who wouldn’t want that again?
I guess this is all a long-winded way to say (again) that a big part of me really wants to have another baby.
I talk to friends who have recently had their first and they talk about starting to try for their second or planning on doing it soon. And it’s so easy for them. It’s like a foregone conclusion that if they want another one they will have another one.
That is so not my reality.
People ask me from time to time if we want another one or if we will have another one. And honestly, as blessed as we are to have our perfect Madeline, that question is just as heartbreaking as when people used to ask us if we were ever going to have children.
But, at least now I’m part of the mommy society and you can’t kick me out! 😉